Tentacle Love

1820 Hokusai woodcut

Our chances of having sex with a bunch of tentacles are virtually nil. Perhaps, in our dreams, after a long reading session with H.P. Lovecraft or Jules Verne, we might glimpse through the mist something approaching, covered with tiny mouths, pale-coloured, long, thick, throbbing, twisting -- perfect tools to hold us down and rip our bodices. 20.000 leagues under the sea, nobody can hear us scream. But the horror doesn't end with a giant squid humping our struggling selves; if it's Lovecraftian tentacle sex we are having, there's bound to be tiny sharp-edged teeths covering those tentacles, gore, and death.

I don't know much about Lovecraft (never read him) nor tentacle sex but I'm going to take a guess and say that it has a place in the history of animism and erotic art. At least that's my conclusion from this page in Wikipedia. There must be a couple of B-movies which have continued the tradition, appealing to all those "unusual" people out there (anybody care to share some titles with me?) Hollywood has still to embrace the love, though the characters in Sphere get close to being fucked over by a giant undewater squid. One of the characters, having gained the power to have all his dreams come true, creates the giant squid after reading 20.000 Leagues Under the Sea and dreaming with it. If the screenwriters had been inspired by Freud, Sharon Stone would have found herself in the docking area being traversed by something red and gellatinous. Actually, now that I think of it, Sphere's underwater station did resemble a scrotum; the makers of the film didn't have confidence in their product from the start.

Squids around the world can go to sleep tonight without any worries of a human being ever shagging them: in the history of bestiality, nobody (another guess of mine) has ever managed to coerce a squid to even go so far as give someone a kiss. What lives in the sea stays under water and away from our itching genitalia. But, for all those Lovecraft lovers, the imagination stays free to play around with tentacles when the porn collection has grown cold. Squids don't talk back nor ask for your mobile number.