Krys' Scottish Furry Neighbours

Because I hadn't seen my London friends in so long, I agreed to meet them near a downtown department store. I arrived to the five of them, including suzi and despina, laughing at photos of their faces painted in different shades of black. My biggest surprise was seeing Suzi in a white top and old blue jeans that nearly slid off her body. She had lost a lot of weight and was as toned as an Olympic champion. Her hair was cut short, in a bob, and dyed red. She told me she had become serious about participating in marathons, and had become a health freak.

I also had plans to fly to Edinburgh with these friends. I met rosie, steve, their baby B., arkady, krys and Ben (the guy who took over for me at the National) at the airport. rattler arrived later and told us there were two buses leaving for our flight's departing gate. He encouraged us to take the first one, which caused the group to get separated and much conversation back and forth on mobile phones.

Krys had kindly invited us to stay at her Edinburgh apartment. I introduced Ben to Rosie and Arkady on the taxi ride to the flat. His black T-shirt seemed to indicate he would fit in without a problem. Krys' apartment was spacious, like a loft, and filled with trinkets and memorabilia. While everyone settled down in the living room, I entered the bathroom. Candy wrappers at the bottom of the toilet wouldn't get flushed away. Suddenly, I realized I was being observed: a person dressed as a cat was staring at me from a window in the neighbouring building. I gave the cat person my middle finger, but the person wouldn't go away. In fact, it spurned the person on, into gesticulating at me like a crazed mime. This person was then pushed aside by a woman dressed as a superhero, wielding a toy gun. She pointed the gun to my head and it flashed a red light between my eyes.

I discreetly called Arkady, hoping she would come to the bathroom to see these neighbourhood weirdos; but Arkady was too engrossed in the living room's conversation to hear me. Finally, I took hold of the cat person's leg and pulled it into Krys' bathroom. It landed on the floor, with me on top of it. It began to scream "I'm a lesbian, please don't hump me!" This made me laugh and pull the cat mask off her head, revealing a dark-skinned girl with short hair. I told her she had nothing to worry about since I was a gay man.