Girl Power Kicks Spice Butt

You know what's the problem with the Spice Girls? They are all hideous! (apologies to Spice Girls fans reading this... but it's true.) Actually, what makes them hideous is the presence of Posh Spice in the group. Anything she touches turns to rust (apart from David Beckham, who is protected by fairy dust provided by Elton John and Tom Cruise). I caught the last bit of their presentation for Children in Need and all I could think of was "why the f*ck is Mel C wearing a top hat?"

And why do we need the Spice Girls reunited anyway when we have Girls Aloud? The Spice Girls are a pop aberration; they were at the right place, at the right time, and that's why it worked. Better leave that corpse in the grave.

Girls Aloud, on the other hand, have a line drawn from them all the way back to groups like Erasure and Pet Shop Boys - in other words, extra-strong pop cheese that will sound vintage in 20 years time. And who cares if they don't write their own songs. They make other people's songs their own and, most important of all, they are mates. And they look like animated Barbie dolls about to cry because Ken ran away with G.I. Joe.

Warning. The chorus in the following song is a fatal earworm

I want to buy their album tomorrow but I'm scared Kevin will use it as a reason to break up with me... maybe I should just secretly download it?