May the Lines Sag Heavy and Deep Tonight

What a miserable day! London couldn't look uglier, with its chilly drizzle and grey skies; everyone already looks pale and haggard, as if they've been enduring Winter for months. In a primary school's playground I saw two little boys get into a savage punch up. At work, I wanted to punch one of our freelance artists and throw him down the stairs. I took half of the day off but everything went wrong, everyone needed me, and I had to be the first rat to jump the office's ship for my own sanity's sake.

Ten years ago, on this day, I went to see the Cowboy Junkies play live in Montreal. There's one video on YouTube, from that same tour, but filmed in New York. I can't remember if they played this song at the gig, but I do know they were wonderful and, afterwards, they came to the foyer to meet their fans. (I was long gone by then.) Some friends came with me, others agreed to meet me afterwards at Cafe Sarajevo, where a gypsy band often played, the drinks were fairly affordable, and the nibbles were great.

That was the night I met Kevin. I'd invited his boyfriend at the time, Matthew, who was someone I had a lot of friends in common, to come along and bring whoever he wanted. I'd been told 6 months before by my friend Helen that Matthew had this boyfriend who "would be just perfect for you - it's a shame they are dating!" That was Kevin, and he sat all night beside me, laughed at my drunken jokes and generally made a great impression. Him and Matthew's relationship ended a few days later - for unconnected reasons.

I bought an EuroMillion Lottery ticket on the way home. 100 million pounds up for grab this Friday. I figured that this would be the one day I get all my numbers right... or wrong. Kevin gave me a copy of David Lynch's book Catching the Big Fish. I swallowed pills and took a bath listening to classical music an hour ago, with just one candle for company. Kevin is now home and is doing The Guardian's crosswords. There aren't enough lightbulbs in this flat; my eyesight feels tired.

I apologise for today.

P.s. Thank you again lovely rag_and_bone for buying me a paid account on LJ! I promise not to terrorise (too much) your flist with my polls. :-)