The Fat ***** Factor

[dotinthesky]

I have an interview at a temp agency today. They have asked me to bring my passport. I pull out my black suit, the one made to fit me perfectly in Brazil, two year ago. I try the trousers and realize my stomach hangs out of it like a bursting water bottle. I am fat.

No, I'm not fat. I'm normal looking. I'm actually perfect in height and weight. I'm 70 kilos (give or take 4 kilos) and 6 foot. Or 147 pounds and 1.80 metres. But my weight is not muscle, it's localized fat. And that my friends is all thanks to drinking too many caipirinhas in Brasil: sugar + lime + ice + sugar cane spirits = tubby ollie.

Now I know what it feels like to have your trousers pinch your waist, to suck in your gut and feel your breath shorten. Now I know what it feels like to crave a prolongued fast, to eat only popcorn (no butter) for the next fortnight. That, my friends, is the situation in ollie land.

I called Kevin (who worked for said temp agency) and he said it would be alright for me to go in my blue cords (Bekki has seen them. :P) and my black shirt. Smart casual. And I need a hair cut too.

Comments

[canudiglett]

Get bigger trousers...

[britmoz.livejournal.com]

hi, i dont know how i find your journal, but, i like what you write. So, oy`´r in London, Im in Chile (near to Brazil)... you speak some spanish? if you read this i really like your answer.
listen soon * my bloody valentine *

[androktone.livejournal.com]

and very nice cords they were too!

I couldnt tell if you were porky when I saw you, you had a jumper on!

[ickycrawlything.livejournal.com]

Heehee...tubby Ollie, I love it :p Good luck!

[iifu.livejournal.com]

Send a few pounds this way, will ya?

[jeffster.livejournal.com]

caipirinha = worth the pounds

[peraventure.livejournal.com]

*pincha-pincha* *giggle*

btw, I keep forgetting to tell you - you requested new journals a while back and I had forgotten about this guy, but he's posted a few times since. twodaypugilist has a way with words and is a horny bastard. It's pretty funny. I used to know him in Tallahassee.

Boy, you need to at least get a little protein every day, eh? It's not healthy to do a popcorn diet. Please eat fruit and I dunno, soy milk every day. K?