Just four more days of penitence

[dotinthesky]

Little Lamb, on a hill
Run fast as you can
The Christians, they want to kill you
And your life has not even begun

- Morrissey


I wasn't employed to edit anything Catholic. I’m the editor’s secretary. They gave me a chair covered with thick white dog’s hair. Seriously. I tried taking some off with sticky tape, but it’s a day-long job. On my desk, the photo of said white dog. With its tongue sticking out.

People were polite. Emails were about homosexuality in seminars, women priests, Iraq, the Pope’s Hitler. I was nervous and answered the phone like a 16-year-old bubblegum-chewing blonde. I could see the pain on the editor’s face with my incompetency. I couldn’t stand her bad breath. I fucked up and felt like I loser when I left. I would take down people’s name incorrectly… or forget to jot down their phone numbers.

My desk was covered with poems and postcards. Mostly Jesus but also a DONKEY motif! And a poem about donkeys aswell… Did I mention everyone was nice? Nice - nice – but oh so uncomfortable. And those accents – Oxford is stapled to their tongues. Throughout the day, one by one, they asked me where my accent was from. Accents are VERY IMPORTANT for these people. Also various types of books on my shelf. A biography on the Pope. Collections of poetry. And abridged tapes of Agatha Christie novels.

There’s another brazilian in the office but I didn’t meet him today. What lies ahead. What lies beneath. What did the editor mean when I was leaving and she said: “Good God”? She made me feel like shit. But I forgive, like a good Christian. Homo Christian. Cock-loving Christian.

I can’t stand my work situation. Every week a new place. It detonates my insides, my confidence. I have no prospects. The Summer looks cold to me. I feel lonely in London, lost. Keep telling myself: you have so much going for you, you are better off than most people. What a selfish thought to prop myself up.

***


Your dog doesn't bark
Because your dog doesn't exist

Comments

[4q.livejournal.com]

I love you so much Ollie, hang in there, it will get better! I wish there was something less cliche and lame that I could say, but I really am not sure what else could make you feel any better. You are a smart boy, and you have tons of talent. It will be recognized!

I still have to read your story, I started it several times but keep getting interrupted!

[dilvalicious.livejournal.com]

*hug*

Poor Ollie!

[jellyfish93.livejournal.com]

i will hire you as the videographer for my homemade porn endeavors.

"cock-loving christian." that phrase will ring beautifully throughout my head the rest of the day.
=)

[ickycrawlything.livejournal.com]

Oh hunny...I'm sorry. You know, stick it out for a few more and see if it gets any better. If by next week you feel the same or worse, get out! No sense in damaging your soul for a couple of bucks.

[just-for-a-day.livejournal.com]

Don't keep a job you hate. Save money for as long as you can and then get out. You're smart and i'm sure can find something else easy. Life is too short you know.. to feel horrible every waking hour. Do what you got to do to be where you need to be, oh i'm so profound it scares me :-)) . xoxo

[waves-in-space.livejournal.com]

not that long ago i was OBSESSED with reading agatha christie novels, i think i was 16 (which makes is MORE than a few years ago), i was always told she was 'old ladys' reading' but whatever, i thoroughly enojoyed it at that age - one of my fav's was 'a pocket full of rye'

[moonlightjoy.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear about your job situation... What did you study in University?

Any luck on the moving-to-Canada front?