It's Only Summer Time

[dotinthesky]

A week from today will mark a year since the attacks on London's trains. I wasn't really thinking about this today but, as I left work, feeling happy and content, I suddenly had a very morbid fantasy play out in my head. I saw the train I was in explode, my body get ripped to pieces. I then saw the repercussion play out: my co-workers finding out that the Bakerloo Tube was hit (and someone remembering that I took that line), the concern, the calls, the news reaching Kevin, the news spreading through out my building.

Did you know him? Do you remember him? I vaguely remember his face. I think I saw him walk down the corridors, but I'm not sure. I never spoke to him. Was he from Brasil? He didn't look it. How is his department doing? They cried. They were really upset. They had just given him a jar of olives and 22 pounds worth of book vouchers because it was his last day in the department. They ate cake and drank wine. They were so happy that day. What a horrible thing to happen.

I have morbid thoughts sometimes. Flights. Train rides. Car rides with drunks behind the wheel. I don't know if it's perverse to imagine a smiling face you just said goodbye cry for you. I think my ego is trying to find some recognition that I'll be missed, that I'm not just a dispensable temp human, that I finally fit in.

But today, regardless of this slight morbid fantasy, has been wonderful. I got a bankdraft to put down for the new apartment (we sign the lease tomorrow); it was someone's birthday at work (and on LJ) and I ate lemon cake and drank red wine (which I also spilled on the floor, causing everyone to cry out that I can't be taken out); London was awash with sunshine and the tourists weren't too bad; I found a bench facing the Thames during my lunch break and edited a short story; went swimming in the morning, wore shorts and t-shirt to work. Now I listen to Saint Etienne and my mood is orgasmic... and Kevin just walked into the bedroom with a plate of pasta!

I bought four cans of beer and I'm watching a great Big Brother episode (I hope.) Seriously, life is good right now.

Comments

[izzybees]

The fantasies you just described are what life is like for a lot of people with OCD (constantly thinking about horrible violent and sexual things, imagining worst-case scenarios, etc) so I can relate to this. Every time I ride a bike, a train, a plane, a bus, a car, a boat (and on and on) I fantasize about death and destruction. I don't generally write or talk about it in an attempt not to reinforce the thoughts. They do tend to happen less than when I was a kid.

My tonight is wine and Big Brother too, and three movies if I can manage to stay up late enough to watch them all (don't bet on it). Have a good evening!

[amanda-mary.livejournal.com]

Congratulations on the new apartment. Somehow I missed that short story when you originally posted it. I'll have to go back and read it some time when I'm not (supposed to be) working.

[tonight-we-fly.livejournal.com]

As you might remember, I was on another train standing at the platform at Edgware Road when the bomb went off in the tunnel; I heard the bang, and felt the train shake. To this day, I still feel shaky every single time my train travels between Paddington and Edgware Road; every morning on the way to work, and every evening on the way home. I find it more difficult to read books on the tube these days as a result.

In a funny sort of way, it's actually a slight comfort to hear that I'm not the only one who feels affected in this sort of way.

In other news, have a great weekend!

[gradually-awake.livejournal.com]

I've only just met you, but I imagine you'd be missed terribly. You seem like a truly wonderful person - they kind that touches even relative strangers very deeply.

I have similar thoughts from time to time. I think it's a good thing, healthy even, to reflect upon our lives and realize that we are all temps.

I love Saint Etienne. In one of their CD sleeves there's this one photo of two of the men in the band in gold suits standing behind their keyboards, and there's a tiny sign on one of the keyboards that says, "This machine kills lawyers." A Woody Guthrie reference, right, and it makes me giggle every time I think about it. I saw Saint Etienne at a club in Seattle, just after "Sound of Water" came out, and I couldn't believe how much they rocked the house. It was such a sleepy album, but on stage it was furious!

Reminds me... I've been meaning to put a little sign on my mac that says, "This machine kills bureacrats." Heh heh... ;)

[beeorkendurkey.livejournal.com]

don't... uh... blow up. how would i ever make it there to sing and dance with you if you blow up in a train? poor plan. i hereby veto. ok? good.
i just watched this conspiracy theory documentary on 9/11 called 'loose change 9-11) and am now wondering if those attacks on the tube were orchestrated by folks other than the ones suspected. well, of course they most likely were, but i mean in a more sinister sense, what if they were used to spread fear and bring england into the war effort more and placed by the u.s. government? implausible? not all that much. but i wonder.
there's been some weird shit going on here. things shooting out of the sky. the news says that a spy satellite was just launched or some shit (which already worries me), but it looked more like something coming straight for us that exploded in a fiery ball (or was blown up?) and then there was a tiny dot being escorted by this giant beam from a plane, the size of which i've never in my life seen exist. the spotlight would have to be like, as long as the plane to create that wide a beam. not ten minutes later, something shot down through the sky 30degrees across the skyline and this something had to have been high enough in the atmosphere to either a) throw out smoke so high that the sun was still catching it (it was about 9pm) or b) be shot through enough clouds in the atmosphere that it literally cut a path through dense cloud. i couldn't tell which for a while. but i think it was a.
and another thing, some random chunk of ice fell from the sky and nobody seems to give a damn. then again, this is abc news reporting and though they're no fox news with their misinformation, i'm starting to really doubt their reliabilty.

on a totally different topic, i have popculture questions to ask you. i was watching this sketch of french & saunders' and i don't know who this bridget is, but have been guessing that she was/is on big brother? or something like that? also, there's this little... thing... that pops up all the damn time that just isn't funny, but british people seem to love... here's the shortest clip i can find (52 seconds). i don't know if you can watch any of that, but... it's kind of hard to describe.

[sor-eye-ah.livejournal.com]

glad I'm not the only one. I was thinking about the best way to kidnap teenage girls last night - before I caught myself and thought "what the fuck are you thinking?!!"

I can recall very distinctly, planning how I'd become a very good criminal when I was a child. Though the idea of taking skin from another part of my body and having it cover up my fingers so I lost my finger prints? God damn I was a naff kid :P

[roguejournal.livejournal.com]

ollie......i have never told you this, but everytime i talk to Sami he says things that remind me of you...like, things YOU could have said!!!!! how wonderful is that?????

you would be great friends!!!!!

[desayuno-ingles.livejournal.com]

you know I'd miss you, I wish I'd had lemon cake with you!, how odd that you can drink while at work (even for a special occasion), I just made pasta. today GR and I walked to the Barnes & Noble and I purchased a book about the history of a dictionary (I forget exactly which one right now) and one with 52(!) recipes for mac & cheese. yayyyyyyy! I made the mozzarella mac which had mozz, parm-reg, rigatoni, roma tomatoes & basil. I'm waiting for Miss Rella & friends to come back from dropping off her moving truck, but I'm afraid they won't be back 'til it's gone cold.

[greenteablack.livejournal.com]

I used to have morbid thoughts all the time when I would walk to High School on a snowy day. I'd think about a car skidding off the iced road and hitting me and then crushing me into a tree or a fence or whatever I was walking by at the time.

[hunterjr.livejournal.com]

Yep my friend, you do have morbid thoughts ¬_¬ But who am I to say? I have one too and thoughts I wouldn't dare to share x_x

[kevyn-kronycles.livejournal.com]

Has it been a year already since the London bombings? I remember arriving in London shortly thereafter and there being a bomb threat at Victoria just shortly after I got there and had to evacuate