It's Only Summer Time

[dotinthesky]

A week from today will mark a year since the attacks on London's trains. I wasn't really thinking about this today but, as I left work, feeling happy and content, I suddenly had a very morbid fantasy play out in my head. I saw the train I was in explode, my body get ripped to pieces. I then saw the repercussion play out: my co-workers finding out that the Bakerloo Tube was hit (and someone remembering that I took that line), the concern, the calls, the news reaching Kevin, the news spreading through out my building.

Did you know him? Do you remember him? I vaguely remember his face. I think I saw him walk down the corridors, but I'm not sure. I never spoke to him. Was he from Brasil? He didn't look it. How is his department doing? They cried. They were really upset. They had just given him a jar of olives and 22 pounds worth of book vouchers because it was his last day in the department. They ate cake and drank wine. They were so happy that day. What a horrible thing to happen.

I have morbid thoughts sometimes. Flights. Train rides. Car rides with drunks behind the wheel. I don't know if it's perverse to imagine a smiling face you just said goodbye cry for you. I think my ego is trying to find some recognition that I'll be missed, that I'm not just a dispensable temp human, that I finally fit in.

But today, regardless of this slight morbid fantasy, has been wonderful. I got a bankdraft to put down for the new apartment (we sign the lease tomorrow); it was someone's birthday at work (and on LJ) and I ate lemon cake and drank red wine (which I also spilled on the floor, causing everyone to cry out that I can't be taken out); London was awash with sunshine and the tourists weren't too bad; I found a bench facing the Thames during my lunch break and edited a short story; went swimming in the morning, wore shorts and t-shirt to work. Now I listen to Saint Etienne and my mood is orgasmic... and Kevin just walked into the bedroom with a plate of pasta!

I bought four cans of beer and I'm watching a great Big Brother episode (I hope.) Seriously, life is good right now.

Comments

[izzybees]

The fantasies you just described are what life is like for a lot of people with OCD (constantly thinking about horrible violent and sexual things, imagining worst-case scenarios, etc) so I can relate to this. Every time I ride a bike, a train, a plane, a bus, a car, a boat (and on and on) I fantasize about death and destruction. I don't generally write or talk about it in an attempt not to reinforce the thoughts. They do tend to happen less than when I was a kid.

My tonight is wine and Big Brother too, and three movies if I can manage to stay up late enough to watch them all (don't bet on it). Have a good evening!

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

And what three movies will you be watching? I might do the same and watch a DVD after Big Bro. We've got the kind of weather which makes it hard to go to bed early.

Have a good evening yourself. ♥

[izzybees]

Herzog's Even Dwarves Started Small, Lang's Metropolis, and Gilliam's The Brothers Grimm. So, it's a bit of a German evening, although unintentionally so.

What DVD are you contemplating?

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

I was contemplating one of my DVDs which I haven't watched yet -- maybe "A Hole in My Heart" -- but now I've decided to catch up on LJ and then get an early night. Got much sun to enjoy tomorrow and I want to be up bright and early.

[amanda-mary.livejournal.com]

Congratulations on the new apartment. Somehow I missed that short story when you originally posted it. I'll have to go back and read it some time when I'm not (supposed to be) working.

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I believe I posted that story before I met you; it was a creative exercise involving LJ friends (follow the link from that post.) Fun to do but the outcome is usually a big mess that needs re-shaping and re-doing later on. Which is what I'm doing right now with much pleasure.

[tonight-we-fly.livejournal.com]

As you might remember, I was on another train standing at the platform at Edgware Road when the bomb went off in the tunnel; I heard the bang, and felt the train shake. To this day, I still feel shaky every single time my train travels between Paddington and Edgware Road; every morning on the way to work, and every evening on the way home. I find it more difficult to read books on the tube these days as a result.

In a funny sort of way, it's actually a slight comfort to hear that I'm not the only one who feels affected in this sort of way.

In other news, have a great weekend!

[amanda-mary.livejournal.com]

In spite of the seriousness of your comment, I must let you know that I love your username. If it is, in fact, a Divine Comedy reference. If not ... well, it's still nice in its own right ;)

[amanda-mary.livejournal.com]

(turns on paranoid, former English major grammar police switch) Yeah -- ignore that sentence fragment.

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

Hey, I can now formally tell you that grammar errors and mispellings are welcome in this journal. :-)

[tonight-we-fly.livejournal.com]

Ah, thanks. Yes, indeed it's a deliberate reference, and that was a very astute observation on your part...

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

Have a great weekend yourself.

I was slightly late for work that day but, if I had caught my usual train, I would have been in the immediacy of Edgware Road and would have heard it too. As soon as I sat down in my train, they came around and asked us to get out because of "problems" up ahead. Then you know the rest.

Kevin's sister stopped using public transport from then on, and I remember walking to work for a couple of days because I just couldn't handle the paranoia in the Tube. I might walk to work next Friday too.

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

A spiritual being living a human life, or leaving a human life? Either way, it makes sense to me.

[gradually-awake.livejournal.com]

I've only just met you, but I imagine you'd be missed terribly. You seem like a truly wonderful person - they kind that touches even relative strangers very deeply.

I have similar thoughts from time to time. I think it's a good thing, healthy even, to reflect upon our lives and realize that we are all temps.

I love Saint Etienne. In one of their CD sleeves there's this one photo of two of the men in the band in gold suits standing behind their keyboards, and there's a tiny sign on one of the keyboards that says, "This machine kills lawyers." A Woody Guthrie reference, right, and it makes me giggle every time I think about it. I saw Saint Etienne at a club in Seattle, just after "Sound of Water" came out, and I couldn't believe how much they rocked the house. It was such a sleepy album, but on stage it was furious!

Reminds me... I've been meaning to put a little sign on my mac that says, "This machine kills bureacrats." Heh heh... ;)

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

I've never seen them live but I've also heard that they are great. I want to get their latest album -- a concept one about a council building here in London. I also hear that a recent movie they made, about London's changing landscape, is unmissable (might even be out on DVD already -- I need to visit the shops soon... I'm overdue.)

By the way, I don't think I know your name! You can call me Ollie. ;-)

[(Anonymous)]

My name is John.

[gradually-awake.livejournal.com]

My name is John.

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

Nice to meet you, John. :-P

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

Aw, thanks! But don't worry about it... DVDs are quite cheap here (specially at this place called Fop). I'm overdue a visit to the music store for some CDs and DVDs but, if I can't find it, then I wouldn't mind!

[beeorkendurkey.livejournal.com]

don't... uh... blow up. how would i ever make it there to sing and dance with you if you blow up in a train? poor plan. i hereby veto. ok? good.
i just watched this conspiracy theory documentary on 9/11 called 'loose change 9-11) and am now wondering if those attacks on the tube were orchestrated by folks other than the ones suspected. well, of course they most likely were, but i mean in a more sinister sense, what if they were used to spread fear and bring england into the war effort more and placed by the u.s. government? implausible? not all that much. but i wonder.
there's been some weird shit going on here. things shooting out of the sky. the news says that a spy satellite was just launched or some shit (which already worries me), but it looked more like something coming straight for us that exploded in a fiery ball (or was blown up?) and then there was a tiny dot being escorted by this giant beam from a plane, the size of which i've never in my life seen exist. the spotlight would have to be like, as long as the plane to create that wide a beam. not ten minutes later, something shot down through the sky 30degrees across the skyline and this something had to have been high enough in the atmosphere to either a) throw out smoke so high that the sun was still catching it (it was about 9pm) or b) be shot through enough clouds in the atmosphere that it literally cut a path through dense cloud. i couldn't tell which for a while. but i think it was a.
and another thing, some random chunk of ice fell from the sky and nobody seems to give a damn. then again, this is abc news reporting and though they're no fox news with their misinformation, i'm starting to really doubt their reliabilty.

on a totally different topic, i have popculture questions to ask you. i was watching this sketch of french & saunders' and i don't know who this bridget is, but have been guessing that she was/is on big brother? or something like that? also, there's this little... thing... that pops up all the damn time that just isn't funny, but british people seem to love... here's the shortest clip i can find (52 seconds). i don't know if you can watch any of that, but... it's kind of hard to describe.

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

That Bridget is Bridget Nielsen, Z-list celebrity who was once married to Silvester Stallone and starred in movies like Conan and Beverly Hills Cop II. She was in a version of Celebrity Big Brother, so that's the reference.

I have no clue about the ice falling from the sky! Sounds dead dodgy...

[beeorkendurkey.livejournal.com]

wow, i got too into reading up on whatever celebrity big brother it was they were on. repetetive articles that sapped my brain, but somehow made it all a whole lot funnier. wowza.
no idea on the whatthehell performer in this?

tomorrow there's supposed to be a shuttle launch as well, despite a crack on a fuel tank. i'm no rocket scientist, but i'd think that might be a bad thing. i'm sure they know what they're doing. but it seems more like their july 4th publicity deadline is the real push there. hooray explosions.

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

I have no clue who's that performer! But I've seen those skits before and wondered what was the reference. Must be from before the time I moved to England.

Will Bush be in that rocket?

[sor-eye-ah.livejournal.com]

glad I'm not the only one. I was thinking about the best way to kidnap teenage girls last night - before I caught myself and thought "what the fuck are you thinking?!!"

I can recall very distinctly, planning how I'd become a very good criminal when I was a child. Though the idea of taking skin from another part of my body and having it cover up my fingers so I lost my finger prints? God damn I was a naff kid :P

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

And what would you do with those kidnapped girls? Skin them alive then use their flesh to fashion an outfit? :-)

[roguejournal.livejournal.com]

ollie......i have never told you this, but everytime i talk to Sami he says things that remind me of you...like, things YOU could have said!!!!! how wonderful is that?????

you would be great friends!!!!!

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

Interesting... I'd like to meet him! What kind of music does he like?

[roguejournal.livejournal.com]

mais interesting ainda....de TUDO que a gente gosta!!!!!!

[desayuno-ingles.livejournal.com]

you know I'd miss you, I wish I'd had lemon cake with you!, how odd that you can drink while at work (even for a special occasion), I just made pasta. today GR and I walked to the Barnes & Noble and I purchased a book about the history of a dictionary (I forget exactly which one right now) and one with 52(!) recipes for mac & cheese. yayyyyyyy! I made the mozzarella mac which had mozz, parm-reg, rigatoni, roma tomatoes & basil. I'm waiting for Miss Rella & friends to come back from dropping off her moving truck, but I'm afraid they won't be back 'til it's gone cold.

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

You should post the best mac & cheese recipe!

[desayuno-ingles.livejournal.com]

ooh, good idea. maybe i'll just post city bakery's recipe, they're famous for it.

[greenteablack.livejournal.com]

I used to have morbid thoughts all the time when I would walk to High School on a snowy day. I'd think about a car skidding off the iced road and hitting me and then crushing me into a tree or a fence or whatever I was walking by at the time.

[hunterjr.livejournal.com]

Yep my friend, you do have morbid thoughts ¬_¬ But who am I to say? I have one too and thoughts I wouldn't dare to share x_x

[kevyn-kronycles.livejournal.com]

Has it been a year already since the London bombings? I remember arriving in London shortly thereafter and there being a bomb threat at Victoria just shortly after I got there and had to evacuate

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

Yup, it will be one year this Friday. Feels to me like ages ago, yet at the same time I'm not looking forward to that date. I'm going to be too paranoid to use public transport.