London: Nowhere Fast

Beware England, I'm coming home. You've got 4 days to get ready for me. On Wednesday morning I'll be placing my hairy toes on the tarmac, lifting my sunglasses, eyeing the white butts up & down, then strolling through customs with passionate abandom to the arms of steer and anyone else who's coming to the airport to receive me.

I've heard through the grapevine that there will be banners, singing and clapping of hands when I wheel my suitcase through the Arrivals door. I don't mind my name being called out, but please let's not disturb the other passengers ok? The flight is long and people will be cranky. I've never been in an airport brawl but I can imagine it's terrible. After the reception, I believe we'll be whisked somewhere for brunch. I expect my drinks and meal to be paid for by all my lovelies. I thank you in advance. Yes I'm broke and I need all your support.

I'm also unemployed. If you have need for an overly experienced temp, you know who to call. I will be your PA, your protégée, your confidante and your... what rhymes with confidante? Yeah, that. I spoke to my accountant recently and it appears I have enough money in the bank to last a few weeks. But, you know the terrible things London does to a loose pocket! I realized today that I've been on holidays for two months. It's about time I lifted my sleeves and got back to work.

Oh London! Land of the body odours, of the trains that don't work; city that destroyed my perceptions of England and made me see that a European country can also be a banana republic. Yes London, I love you in that song that mentions your name. But now that I've seen those orange people on Oxford Street, my love for you will never be the same.

(no subject)

( Serial Killer )

Hungry Brasilian Pigs

My grandmother's uncle, Tião, came over tonight with his wife to visit us. When it was time to leave, he got scared of Tony (one of our dogs) attacking him. So I had to go outside and hold Tony while he ran to his car.

When we came inside, my mom told me that Tião never used to be afraid of dogs or any other kind of animal, until two years ago. Back then, he used to go to the sty every morning to feed the pigs. One day, while he was inside the sty feeding the pigs, one of the larger ones attacked him. He got the entire length of one of his arms chewed and ripped by the pig. He almost didn't make it out.

It was a Sunday and all the women in the family were sitting in the farm house. They saw him come running down the hill, blood all over his body.