Tarnished & Hairless

I can't decided whether Tarnation is a prime example of narcissism, an amazing glimpse at the future of documentaries, or both things at the same time. To use a videocamera so extensively on yourself, from the moment you are a child until the present time, seems like something only a narcissist would do. It's that old question of "what can you find when you stare at your own reflection for too long?" It's also the kind of question I sometimes ask myself with relation to using Livejournal, writing here for myself (and potential others.)

In a few years, Livejournal may look something like Tarnation, with people using video footage of their own lives to expose who they are, who they live with, and where they would like to be, to the point where very little is left private and nobody really knows anymore what can be gained or learned from it. Perhaps there are people already doing so in LJ Land, with their digital cameras documenting every inch of their bodies, their phone posts exposing their latest anxiety attack, their words an extention of how they feel about every troubled aspect of their lives.

What made this documentary so interesting to me was the exploration of the director's mother -- her schizophrenia, her disintegration, her reconnection with him after being outside of his life for so long. I was brought up with a brother who is brain damaged so I recognized the pain and difficulty that a family goes through when someone they love depends so completely on them.

I also couldn't help being seduced by the director's narcissism as he flaunted his beauty in front of the camera: a slender teenager with long blonde hair, a passionate artist, a spoiled brat, a queer boy going Nowhere Fast, a loser escaping Texas for a better life in New York. Because I'm so close in age to him, I couldn't help comparing my life to his: we both had long hair around the same time (1993), we both struggled with our sexuality (though he came out way earlier than me) and we both had big dreams of eventually moving out of our homes and finding happiness in some other land.

It's not the kind of documentary for everyone, but I think it definetly deserves a watch if you have:

a) queers, mental illness or narcissists in your life
b) a fucked up family
c) an interest in documentaries
d) all of the above

P.S.: A customer at my local barber shop just pointed out to me that I was wearing the price tag on my brand new H&M trousers. Ouch!