Tarnished & Hairless

[dotinthesky]

I can't decided whether Tarnation is a prime example of narcissism, an amazing glimpse at the future of documentaries, or both things at the same time. To use a videocamera so extensively on yourself, from the moment you are a child until the present time, seems like something only a narcissist would do. It's that old question of "what can you find when you stare at your own reflection for too long?" It's also the kind of question I sometimes ask myself with relation to using Livejournal, writing here for myself (and potential others.)

In a few years, Livejournal may look something like Tarnation, with people using video footage of their own lives to expose who they are, who they live with, and where they would like to be, to the point where very little is left private and nobody really knows anymore what can be gained or learned from it. Perhaps there are people already doing so in LJ Land, with their digital cameras documenting every inch of their bodies, their phone posts exposing their latest anxiety attack, their words an extention of how they feel about every troubled aspect of their lives.

What made this documentary so interesting to me was the exploration of the director's mother -- her schizophrenia, her disintegration, her reconnection with him after being outside of his life for so long. I was brought up with a brother who is brain damaged so I recognized the pain and difficulty that a family goes through when someone they love depends so completely on them.

I also couldn't help being seduced by the director's narcissism as he flaunted his beauty in front of the camera: a slender teenager with long blonde hair, a passionate artist, a spoiled brat, a queer boy going Nowhere Fast, a loser escaping Texas for a better life in New York. Because I'm so close in age to him, I couldn't help comparing my life to his: we both had long hair around the same time (1993), we both struggled with our sexuality (though he came out way earlier than me) and we both had big dreams of eventually moving out of our homes and finding happiness in some other land.

It's not the kind of documentary for everyone, but I think it definetly deserves a watch if you have:

a) queers, mental illness or narcissists in your life
b) a fucked up family
c) an interest in documentaries
d) all of the above

P.S.: A customer at my local barber shop just pointed out to me that I was wearing the price tag on my brand new H&M trousers. Ouch!

Comments

[izzybees]

This kind of narcissism and the kind of narcissism I write about are two very different things (I think the word is abused horribly as the myth quite adequately describes a narcissistic personality in the sense that I mean, and is a pretty extreme way of referring to people who simply enjoy their own beauty), but I'd still be interested in seeing this. I am aware of video bloggers who broadcast their lives on the net.

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

a pretty extreme way of referring to people who simply enjoy their own beauty

That's only one of the aspects of this documentary. It veers from footage of him pouting, posing and preening, to scenes of him cutting himself and pretty much going nuts in front of the camera (in some very horrific ways). At times, I thought "you are doing this for yourself".

He did however bring up a particular type of mental illness (which he suffered after a period of drug use) related to feeling outside one-self, experiencing thoughts and behaviour as an observer (I guess something similar to what schizophrenics experience), and that neatly tied in with the 3rd person narrative (him, Jonathan, talking about Jonathat doing this or that) as well as this idea of a video footage of yourself being an echo of this experience of viewing your own experience from the outside.

[izzybees]

Yeah, I myself have experienced psychotic episodes brought on by drug use, and have a history of self-abuse, although I have never videotaped it. That's not pathological narcissism, though.

I'll see if I can find a copy of this somewhere.

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

Cool, I look forward to reading your opinion on it! ;-)

[bandaloop.livejournal.com]

Yes, I like the movie's tag line:
"The Greatest Creation is the Life You Lead."

I've been working with this idea for a long time. It's really impossible to capture a whole life so I'm not working on it from the point of view of documenting every detail, thought, or moment. .. Just thinking out loud.

Good point about the term. Narcissist Personality Disorder is better applied to my ex-boss LOL But I'm not kidding. ( a study was done recently that said there's a trend among US employers towards hiring Narcissist personalities - they are the ones that step all over others to get to the top. They steal other's work , they make life hell and they do damage the company but are hired because short business cycles demand personalities unafraid of hurting people to reach the goals….) But it also should be noted that psychological problems are not always on or off, there are gray shades in-between. Many psychological diagnostic terms are abused. Schizophrenic is applied by people to people that may be quirky, or have poor social skills, or are forgetful, or change their minds a lot, or are two faced. Anyway good point, and yeah, there's nothing wrong with likening yourself, even liking yourself a lot.

[izzybees]

Oh, believe me, I am well aware of the abuse of psychological terms, as I have a father with NPD and a schizophrenic aunt, and it bothers me to no end when people apply them willy-nilly--the worst is confusing schizophrenia with dissociative identity disorder. :/

I believe narcissism is becoming more prevalent today, perhaps as a result of the western model of capitalism? ;)

[bandaloop.livejournal.com]

Your father had NPD *hugs. Mine was alcoholic but I think he was dual diagnosis really. I don't know what metal disorder he had, -- we didn't associate that much.

I don't know anything about dissociate identity disorder, although I've had a few dissociated nights, ha. (Send me a link and I'll read about it) Yes, I do believe, narcissism is more prevalent and rewarded today; and yes, I do think the western economic model encourages it.

Well, i was bitching a bit but it is true, psychological terms have made it into everyday parlance and people don't understand the differences between the popular use of these terms and the actual diseases in many cases...

My last girl friend has Borderline Personality Disorder and I think the worst is confusing schizophrenia with just about any weird and misunderstood behavior, and I see it a lot even with young people -- teasing and dominating with psychological terms very loosely.

It is disturbing and worst yet there is a huge pop psychology culture that thinks that it deals with these issues in one or two shows :D It's not funny DR. Phil!

Well, it's a complex subject and you one of the few and I'm tired :>

[izzybees]

A lot of narcissists also abuse substances -- my father was addicted to pretty much anything he could get his hands on until he screwed up his body so much he could hardly eat anymore without wreaking havoc on his insides. I am sorry you had to deal with an alcoholic father -- too many people do, it seems.

Dissociative identity disorder is the new term for multiple personality disorder.

[amanda-mary.livejournal.com]

I combed through my journal and found the entry (http://amanda-mary.livejournal.com/244044.html) I wrote after seeing this film in 2004. It's a bit muddled, but you should get the gist, at least.

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

What a great review! Your writing is just brilliant. :-)

I think you have pretty much nailed the documentary's strengths and weaknesses on the head. I wonder where he'll go next, now that he's told his story. I suppose he must still record his life -- perhaps he even has a blog? -- but I could see this documentary's success giving him some opportunities to explore other things.

[amanda-mary.livejournal.com]

Aww -- thank you!

A quick search on IMDB revealed that Caouette will be appearing in the film Fat Girls (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0439179/) (not to be confused with Á ma soeur/Fat Girl (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0243255/)) this year. Playing a high school teacher. Which seems somewhat odd to me.

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

The movie seems to have a gay theme, so that might be why he's involved.

[bandaloop.livejournal.com]

funny, we are born into a community which demands that we take responsibility for ourselves and condemns us for being narcissistic. We are brutalized if we won't forget our self and do the right thing for the community. ....a... Tarnation! Now there's a word for you! Damned if you do damned if you don't. ;) Certainly you must be aware of the cam girls Like Ana and Jenny who broadcast their lives via cam 24/7 for subscriptions, not from birth but still. They work the LJ too. Yes, just what will the LJ look like in 10 years? Seeds for thought and I've been thinking about these things too. Of course there's a societal moral push to squeeze out porn and they would classify showing every inch of ones body on the LJ as porn. In fact, myspace got in trouble recently, i don't know who was bitching about myspace, but myspace went through and shut down any profile that included nudity or what they deemed unsuitable. I'm afraid that in the future, places like LJ will become completely G-rated and even bad language might get filtered. There are privet places where you can be as risqué as you want. BDSM Sites and so forth, as you may well know. Although, I've found the people on those sites uninteresting and fearful and well, just sex and trash oriented.


Sounds like a very interesting movie. And it had the be the dirt cheap ones you left the tag on heehee. Personally, I wouldn't have gave a damn but then again. :)

Yes, I like the movie's tag line:
"The Greatest Creation is the Life You Lead."

I've been working with this idea for a long time. It's really impossible to capture a whole life so I'm not working on it from the point of view of documenting every detail, thought, or moment. .. Just thinking out loud.

[bandaloop.livejournal.com]

PS: all of the above

[bandaloop.livejournal.com]

Well it's been a long day Ollie but I wanted to post this earlier. It's a picture of my past girl friend. She had Borderline Personality Disorder. And Alcoholism, she's Dual Diagnosis. She's great in a whole lot of ways and I don't just mean sex, although that helps. Anyway, I'm posting the picture because of the one you posted above from "Tarnation".

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

They do look similar, don't they? I've read a little bit about Carol in your journal and I sort of got the idea about her alcoholism. You have been good to her.