Look at you now, stuck in a moment...

[dotinthesky]

God, the only break to this monumental boring day has been the gym. What the fuck am I doing in this office if there's nothing for me to do? Despite that, I'm ok. At least I can sit here, browse the net for 7 hours straight, burn holes into my eyes, be a smart-ass to all my livejournal friends, eat chocolate and be sick, get inappropriate boners in the gym locker room while changing, and never never never get enough.

I've been prowling the corridors of this building, swinging mugs of water as if they were filled with whiskey, wishing for night to arrive quickly. I browsed the personals section of MSN, just wondering what Brazilian queer boys looked like. There were so many beautiful guys, all around my age, single and looking for love. Why can't they find it if they are so good looking? It made me a little sad. I know how tough it is to be gay in Brazil, even more to have a relationship and survive the most macho society on the planet.

Crawling crawing on the floor, my head glued to the white walls of this office room. I don't have windows and I don't speak to people for hours. And I think C.S.I. Las Vegas is better than C.S.I. Miami.

Fuck. Only 4.04. Just another hour and a half to go. Can't wait to go home and have momma's dinner. She gave me a nice birthday present: a book collection of interviews from the Brazilian newspaper Folha. Interviews with Susan Sontag, Jorge Amado, Salmon Rushdie, among many. The phone keeps ringing and when I answer the line goes dead. I suspect it's that mad woman in the main office. The secretary's body will be found one of these days, and I'll make damn sure nobody suspects me.

Comments

[4q.livejournal.com]

wow..I really liked this entry...so much!

I think if you are looking for love you will not find it...but it is sad to see people that put themselves out there, and are unable to make a connection...

I dont' really know anything about Brazil...it seems like such a flamboyant culture..but I suppose it's much like any other...everyone has a "place" that they belong in... non?

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

it's a great country, with a very complex culture... but I think, nowadays, it's becoming more and more westernized... people really look up to North America and Europe in many ways and wish to imitate... but, there's still the Catholic Church's influence, so people are very small minded and reactionary.

In terms of sexuality, brazilians are very hypocritical. The men are very macho, treat woman like sex objects and put down gay men... but you can go into any gay club and there are tons of married men trying to score. But, having looked through that personals, I noticed that all those gay men only wished for true friendships, relationships, and I think that's very hard anywhere - because, let's face it, most gay men suck big time - but it must be particularly hard in Brazil...

[4q.livejournal.com]

that's too bad that they are falling into the trap of becoming just like everybody else..but I think in all honesty that progression is really a break down, a deteriouration (spell? and is that even a word..lol). And it's only natural that traditions and cultures break down..okie i am not expressing this point...well but yes, hopefully you are picking up what i am putting down...

and I think that is every culture, when I was in the chicago we went to this forest and my friend was telling me about the practices of gay married men that go there and pick each other up and have sex in the woods and what not..I found it quite strange...it seems so many people supress their true feelngs, and I am not jsut talking about sexuality I am even saying you know people that hate their job, or their friends or their whole life...it's a really big problem...

or well so I say anyway....

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

that's weird! the book my mom gave me has this article with a sociologist, and he said the same thing as you: that we are going to start witnessing a general collapse of societies in this century because the kind of progression they want is, in many ways, a break down of traditional old values --- but there's nothing good to substitute it.

It's sad that we have to live in a world where we have to do things we don't like, that are not true to us, because it's the way to survive. A kid has to hide his sexuality otherwise his dad will beat the shit out of him. A man has to get a wife otherwise his family will turn their back on him. I have to sit in this shitty office when there's not a single thing for me to do... because I need to pay my bills! :)

and I could tell you some stories about gay men cruising... :oP

[4q.livejournal.com]

wow maybe I am way smarter then I realize..you know what I would really appreciate if you could get me the name of the article and the name of the author! I would be very curious to see what it he has to say

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

*makes mental note*

hehe...i'll try to bring the book to work tomorrow and give you his name... but if i don't, remind me again!

:o)

[thessalian.livejournal.com]

I'm not much on CSI Miami either. Horatio and the rest get too personal about the whole investigation thing. Glad to know I'm not alone.

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

hehe! I bet Horatio has an addiction to prescription drugs. He always seems half comatose.

I just think C.S.I. Miami goes for a bit more farfetched stories... I mean, did you see last tuesdays???? There's no way that chick could have done all those things to that prof, carried him through the woods, and hoisted him up a tree. It was too much.

[thessalian.livejournal.com]

I beg to differ. When you snap, you're capable of just about anything. It's like mothers being able to lift cars off their children -- severe adrenaline rush.

I'm actually considering proving the theory. I have a couple of victims in mind.

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

hahaha! but the adrenaline rush lasting for so long? Torture over the photocopy machine, lashings and stabbings... it must have taken her all night!

[thessalian.livejournal.com]

Yeah, adrenaline could last that long, and as the teacher weakened, she wouldn't need so much. Then the sheer rage and panic would take over and she'd pay no attention to how much she hurt. But I don't think it took that long, actually. She had to do it all under cover of darkness -- even during a school year, she mustn't have had that much time, so I'm gonna say a few hours from initial strike to stringing him up.

...Okay, it scares me that I know this.

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

lol... that photocopy torture must have given you some ideas about your co-workers, non?

[dawnage.livejournal.com]

Happy Birthday!

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

Yikes! thank you...

;]