I'm loving the weather

[dotinthesky]

It's rainy and grey and chilly and not like Summer at all. I'm lovin' it (read that sentence as a McDonald's commercial.)

And I arrived at work to find out our internal server down. There is no work for me today. The secretary and I have dropped all pretenses and are currently navigating the internet without shame or worry. I found a great website with information on publications seeking fiction submissions without any charges. I'm lovin' it.

I go swimming a lot, as I've already told you a million times. Why don't you swim too? These are the characters I see every morning at the swimming pool:

- Josie. She's a Jamaican lady, probably in her 60s, who sits in the slow-swimmer's lane in a shower cap. She seems to know everybody, talks in a loud voice and wishes you a good morning.

- Old man swimmer. He wears zebra-styled speedos that are slightly too large for his body and flap about when he swims. He did something disgusting today: he took a really loud crap while I was changing, then proceeded to head straight to the pool without washing his hands. I was not impressed.

- Leather-face gay man. This guy always arrives slightly later than me. He dives into the pool and has little consideration for other swimmers (I always get the feeling he's racing me.) He's got that tanning salon glow and skin that has prematurely aged. I always find myself showering beside him but that's because of...

- Gym boy. This sculped piece of man meat ends his session in the weights room just as I'm about to shower. He has a petulant face, well-proportioned buns and a good-sized penis. I think Leather-face secretly fancies him. After he's showered, Gym boy wears a suit and white trainers. He must be straight.

- Old Irish man. I see this fellow sometimes in the shower room. He is morbidly obese and he sings a lot. He also likes to chat to other naked men about how the water is scalding him, or other nonsense. His body is fascinating to look at. His belly has bean-sized hematomas on the side.

- Hostile Australian Recepcionist. She has mousy brown hair, eyes too close together, and she always looks surprised when I wish her a good morning. I can't decide whether she's apathetic to everyone, or just me. Or maybe she just hates her job, unlike...

- Happy Blonde Recepcionist. She smiles, greets you as if you were an old friend, then goes back to the latest best-seller she reads when there's nobody around. She can sometimes be found talking to the...

- Desperate-Looking Life-guards. There are three of them. Mr. Italiano, with his shoulder-length curly hair, Mediterranean tan, skinny hairy legs and a fairly good disposition to all (which is slowly erroding.) Then there's pikey blonde boy, who probably wears soccer t-shirts in his spare time. And finally big beffy life-guard, who gets angry at kids who hold on to the lanes' dividers and likes to blow his whistle a lot and show authority.


There are other minor characters, like Slow-as-fuck-lady-who-shouldn't-be-in-the-fast-lane, or the various men who don't know how to swim but feel they should splash about to show how manly they are, or the many women who are nice and considerate - who swim elegantly and navigate through us like professional dolphins.

All in all, I love my local swimming pool.

Comments

[sparklielizard.livejournal.com]

Swimming pools are the great social equalisers!

Me and teh bloke once had one all to ourselves, at night, with nobody else around! That's how it should be ;-)

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

Did you and teh bloke proceed to snog like mad when you found yourself alone?

:P

[sparklielizard.livejournal.com]

Too right!! And other $stuff ;-)

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

that's what I'd do too...

[sparklielizard.livejournal.com]

Definitely! It's a pretty rare opportunity so it's best to take advantage :-)

Lucky we did because the next night a screaming family of four (complete with the stereotypical two fat kids) descended on the place forcing us to leave after only a few minutes :-/

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

Where was this pool?

[sparklielizard.livejournal.com]

It was when we were on holiday in Devon. It was off-season, and the indoor, heated pool (with sauna!) was shared amongst several holiday cottages. It seemed we were the only ones who wanted to use it in the evenings! :-)

Still, there was definitely the risk of getting caught..

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

That sounds really good... :)

[sparklielizard.livejournal.com]

I do really recommend the whole holiday thing, actually (just don't have some stupid old cow write your car off as you're getting there like we did!) It only cost us £300 for 5 people in the cottage for a week, and it had loads of stuff on site like tennis courts, golf, swimming pool, trampolines, shop etc etc and beautiful countryside as it was right next to Dartmoor. It's an excellent idea to get a bunch of people and just *escape* for the week :-)

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately, Kevin and I probably have 3 friends between us, so if I ever did something like that it would have to be with LJ friends.

*winks*

[sparklielizard.livejournal.com]

Well, people keep threatening to do such things! Maybe next year or something, in the Spring when the weather is still nice, but there are no school kids to push prices up?

I would say this Autumn but I have no holiday left and we are broke ;-) But that shouldn't stop you!

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

I'm broke too... so I'll have to wait until next year.

[kurwa.livejournal.com]

I love making up nicknames like that for strangers. And guessing their lifestyles and beliefs based only on aesthetics. Oh, it's so fun! The more I find out other people do it too, the more suspicious I am of what others label me as.

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

Can you see any strangers right now from where you are sitting? Describe a few to me.

[kurwa.livejournal.com]

No, I'm at my house computer. I have a funny story about that though... My friend and I used to live at Taco Bell. We were there all the time. So naturally, we had made nicknames and stereotypes for everyone working there... A few months later, I got hired there. And what do you know, the stereotypes were almost all true.

There was "Cute Bi Girl"--A girl who we assumed listened to punk and/or rock and was Bi because of her short hair. And we were right-she has Clash and Nirvana patches on her purse.
There was "Nate Dog", named so because Nate was his name, and he spoke ghetto. We assumed he had a black bootylicious girlfriend and was doing crack because of his lanky, scrawny body. Now I know he actually is involved in drugs because due to me eavesdropping on his calls. The black girlfriend thing isn't true though.

There's many more, but I think you get it.

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

It's a sad truth that most people who look like stereotypes, turn out to be stereotypes.

[theoriginalme.livejournal.com]

thats awesome.

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

Do you swim?

[theoriginalme.livejournal.com]

I lift and run mostly.

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

I used to lift too... but I now think its crap. Its better to get the cardio. I see some big guys come to the pool and they don't last 15 minutes.

[theoriginalme.livejournal.com]

I lift for football not for vanity, with prepartion for fottball comes a whole lot of cardio.

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

That's a good reason. I think guys who only lift though, and spend their time looking at the mirror, have got it all wrong.

[theoriginalme.livejournal.com]

yeah

[4q.livejournal.com]

oh I loved this. mmmm I will try and describe my bus ride one day. I am taking the earlier bus so there will be different people that I see everyday

ON the late bus though there is the mailman. He lives on my street, he's very nice. Knows everyone else on my street, and has introduced me to others that live on my street while we have all been standing at the bus stop. One time I dropped a bus ticket and didn't realize until I saw him picking it up, and putting it in his pocket without asking me if it was mine. And he has a fucking bus pass!

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

What a loser that mailman... i'd love to read about the people in Winnipeg!

[4q.livejournal.com]

okie I will do a post one day soon about my daily adventures in the land of winnipeg

[sbeth76.livejournal.com]

lovely!
I hate it when people don't wash their hands.
I was recently drug-screened and was FORCED to exit the bathroom without washing my hands. It was tragic.
never fear - I washed shortly after I handed off my wee cup. Hee hee. "wee cup"

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

It pisses me off too... ugh!