To Catch a Temp's Thief
Aug. 31st, 2004 12:23 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dotintheskyI caught the flip flop thief!
About five weeks ago, my flip flops went missing at my local swimming pool. I knew it was a woman who had taken it because she left behind a tiny, female, black version of my flip flops. The life guards assured me that she would return them to the lost & found very soon.
For the next week, I asked after my flip flops every time I went swimming. The bored teenagers working in the lost & found would shake their heads before going back to their Heat magazines. After two weeks, I knew my beloved brazilian flip flops were on the hands of a criminal and would not be returned.
I developed a throat infection and stopped swimming. Some may even say that my illness was psychosomatic and that I wasn't coping well with the loss. I stayed away from the swimming pool for three weeks.
Today, I decided to go swimming in the morning. Got to the gym, got changed and headed for the pool. What do I spot lying beside the pool's stairs? I discreetly walked to the life guard and said "remember my flip flops that were stolen four weeks ago?"
She nodded her head.
"Well, they are lying over there" I said, pointing at them.
I scanned the pool, judging the swimmers. All of them were women and they all fit my criminal profile. I dove into the pool, fuming and ready for an eventual screaming match. After a few laps, the life guard picked up the body of evidence and placed it next to her.
Half an hour later, a woman in her late 30s, short and plump, got out of the pool and began to pace around the flip flops by the pool's stairs. I saw the life guard move towards the woman and lead her to my flip flops. As I got out of the pool, the woman smiled at me and began to apologize:
"You see, someone took my flip flops this morning and I was wondering why those flip flops were so big on my feet!"
Yeah lady, and who the hell would take your flip flops this morning if we are the first people in the pool? So these past four weeks have been just a fantasy in your head? I thought to myself while I smiled benignly. She apologized again and walked away.
Later, I thanked the life guard for dealing with the situation in a sensitive manner. I doused the flip flops in the showers and have every intention of boiling them tonight. The poor things look so traumatized.
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no subject
on 2004-08-31 05:00 am (UTC)Traumatized? What about germs?
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on 2004-08-31 06:01 am (UTC)no subject
on 2004-08-31 07:04 am (UTC)p.s. i love that wave icon...makes me miss the ocean.
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on 2004-08-31 07:11 am (UTC)no subject
on 2004-08-31 04:19 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2004-08-31 07:13 am (UTC)nice work!
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on 2004-08-31 07:14 am (UTC)I wonder what will be my next crime.
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on 2004-08-31 03:19 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2004-08-31 12:49 pm (UTC)She sounds completely insane, avoid her at all costs in future - she's clearly dangerous, unwilling to show remorse or even acknowledgement of her criminal activities and potentially suffering serious delusions. Flip flops today. Tomorrow it could be your hair - she could come to the pool with a scalping tomahawk or something!
BE WARNED! STAY SAFE!
no subject
on 2004-08-31 03:14 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2004-08-31 03:24 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2004-08-31 03:29 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2004-08-31 03:31 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2004-08-31 12:58 pm (UTC)hahahahhahehheha...e no vinagre...depois deixa no sal grosso, faz uma reza brava e coloca no sol pra energizar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yeah!
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on 2004-08-31 03:11 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2004-08-31 07:18 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2004-09-01 01:37 am (UTC)no subject
on 2004-08-31 03:22 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2004-08-31 07:11 pm (UTC)Yo, that's fabulous that you caught the flip flp thief! I'm verra esited for you.
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on 2004-09-01 01:36 am (UTC)no subject
on 2004-09-01 05:14 am (UTC)on the bottom of your feet? flat? we call those plantar warts. b/c the bottom of your foot is the plantar surface of your foot. top is dorsal.
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on 2004-09-01 05:58 am (UTC)no subject
on 2004-09-01 07:03 am (UTC)no subject
on 2004-09-01 02:40 am (UTC)no subject
on 2004-09-01 04:36 am (UTC)no subject
on 2004-09-01 06:43 am (UTC)no subject
on 2004-09-01 07:04 am (UTC)no subject
on 2004-09-01 07:08 am (UTC)no subject
on 2004-09-01 12:13 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2004-09-01 03:52 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2004-09-01 07:44 pm (UTC)