It's Only Summer Time

[dotinthesky]

A week from today will mark a year since the attacks on London's trains. I wasn't really thinking about this today but, as I left work, feeling happy and content, I suddenly had a very morbid fantasy play out in my head. I saw the train I was in explode, my body get ripped to pieces. I then saw the repercussion play out: my co-workers finding out that the Bakerloo Tube was hit (and someone remembering that I took that line), the concern, the calls, the news reaching Kevin, the news spreading through out my building.

Did you know him? Do you remember him? I vaguely remember his face. I think I saw him walk down the corridors, but I'm not sure. I never spoke to him. Was he from Brasil? He didn't look it. How is his department doing? They cried. They were really upset. They had just given him a jar of olives and 22 pounds worth of book vouchers because it was his last day in the department. They ate cake and drank wine. They were so happy that day. What a horrible thing to happen.

I have morbid thoughts sometimes. Flights. Train rides. Car rides with drunks behind the wheel. I don't know if it's perverse to imagine a smiling face you just said goodbye cry for you. I think my ego is trying to find some recognition that I'll be missed, that I'm not just a dispensable temp human, that I finally fit in.

But today, regardless of this slight morbid fantasy, has been wonderful. I got a bankdraft to put down for the new apartment (we sign the lease tomorrow); it was someone's birthday at work (and on LJ) and I ate lemon cake and drank red wine (which I also spilled on the floor, causing everyone to cry out that I can't be taken out); London was awash with sunshine and the tourists weren't too bad; I found a bench facing the Thames during my lunch break and edited a short story; went swimming in the morning, wore shorts and t-shirt to work. Now I listen to Saint Etienne and my mood is orgasmic... and Kevin just walked into the bedroom with a plate of pasta!

I bought four cans of beer and I'm watching a great Big Brother episode (I hope.) Seriously, life is good right now.

Comments

[tonight-we-fly.livejournal.com]

As you might remember, I was on another train standing at the platform at Edgware Road when the bomb went off in the tunnel; I heard the bang, and felt the train shake. To this day, I still feel shaky every single time my train travels between Paddington and Edgware Road; every morning on the way to work, and every evening on the way home. I find it more difficult to read books on the tube these days as a result.

In a funny sort of way, it's actually a slight comfort to hear that I'm not the only one who feels affected in this sort of way.

In other news, have a great weekend!

[amanda-mary.livejournal.com]

In spite of the seriousness of your comment, I must let you know that I love your username. If it is, in fact, a Divine Comedy reference. If not ... well, it's still nice in its own right ;)

[amanda-mary.livejournal.com]

(turns on paranoid, former English major grammar police switch) Yeah -- ignore that sentence fragment.

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

Hey, I can now formally tell you that grammar errors and mispellings are welcome in this journal. :-)

[tonight-we-fly.livejournal.com]

Ah, thanks. Yes, indeed it's a deliberate reference, and that was a very astute observation on your part...

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

Have a great weekend yourself.

I was slightly late for work that day but, if I had caught my usual train, I would have been in the immediacy of Edgware Road and would have heard it too. As soon as I sat down in my train, they came around and asked us to get out because of "problems" up ahead. Then you know the rest.

Kevin's sister stopped using public transport from then on, and I remember walking to work for a couple of days because I just couldn't handle the paranoia in the Tube. I might walk to work next Friday too.