Strangers in All Saints

[dotinthesky]

All Saints Church Chelmsford
Originally uploaded by LIGHT_

Kevin's sister got married this weekend in Chelmsford, Essex. I used to think the whole of Essex was as unappealing as Romford but I was wrong: Chelmsford has a nice little downtown centre, a canal teeming with fish and canoes, outdoor tables that nearly transport you to continental Europe and a very affordable Travelodge (£20 a night!) with the friendliest of staff. The ceremony itself was very traditional (and beautiful), performed in All Saints Church, which looked and felt distinguishedly old (Restoration period, with newer bits attached to it?)

I was asked to be one of the ushers, a red rose pinned to my brand new H&M black suit's lapel by the mother-in-law's sister a few minutes before the ceremony. I stood by the pews with Kevin and the groom's ten-year-old nephew, handing out programmes and directing people to either the right (groom's family) or the left (Sissy Jen's fam).

Amidst the small group of formally attired family members, I noticed a mother and daughter dressed somewhat casually. They took programmes from me and sat with the groom's family. I didn't think much of it until the ceremony was over and I saw them walking away. I pointed this out to Kevin and he wondered if they might re-join us for the party after the dinner. They didn't. I now wonder if they are "wedding crashers" - taking an hour of their Saturdays to sit through any ceremony that will offer them choir songs, beautiful dresses, some tears, some tangential magic. Wedding Spotters.

I was worried about meeting Kevin's family from Canada and Ireland, an older generation of Catholics born and raised in small towns who travelled to Chelmsford especially for the occasion and who had never been in the same room together. They couldn't have been warmer and friendlier. By yesterday, when we were saying our goodbyes, we received invitations to visit and stay with some of them. It made me feel how lucky we are to have such open and understanding families - people who are fully aware how long Kevin and I have been together, and who are happy for us, and who want to get to know us better. Last night, it felt like a come down to have our apartment empty of Kevin's mom and sister, the expectation and tension of the past two weeks finally over.

Some people asked us when we are getting married. Weddings are such terrifying things, I can't even think about it for a second without freaking out. I don't know if it's the thing for us... we have been together now for nearly 11 years - why change? But, at the same time, it was so lovely to see these families meet, share a day, stagger away happily drunk from too much food and drinking.

I'll need to attend a few more weddings (for research purposes) before I make up my mind.

Comments

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

Chelmsford is indeed very pretty - very green - and I feel bad now for colouring the entire region with my experience of Romford.

I think the pressure will be too intense once everyone is married that we'll have no choice but to throw some big gay extravaganza which will allow all our friends to wear their favourite hats and accessories.

[canudiglett]

I think you should get married! I want to wear my sparkly silver dress and my wedding hat again.

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

Not if you are invited to be bridesmaid...

[canudiglett]

The other bridesmaids would just have to get sparkly dresses like mine too.

[millionreasons.livejournal.com]

Burnham on Crouch, Essex

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

I know, I know... I promise not to generalise (much) anymore!

[nisaba.livejournal.com]

Weddings, when the two people are genuinely and totally in love, when they're marrying for themselves and themselves only, are awesome.

My parents were together for 19 years before they married. The catalyst was me needing them to be married so I could get a UK visa! But although it started as "just a piece of paper", it came to mean a lot to them. They got married in a local park near the edge of a cliff overlooking the Pacific by a celebrant, there was no music or fanfare and about twenty friends and family, and it had all the emotion. Nigel refused to take his sunglasses off because he didn't want people to see him crying! The reception was a party in their backyard with cold food prepared by family and friends. Great party, and one of the best weddings I've ever been too.

Of course you don't have to get married to have a wonderful and committed relationship. But it sure is fun.

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

I think when we are ready to provide that fun for our loved ones as well ourselves, we might take the dip... but I'm not promising anything! (the idea still terrifies me)

[naturalbornkaos.livejournal.com]

This will sound amazingly stupid but this is the first time - despite being previously in possession of all the facts - that I've ever realised that Sissy Jen is known as Sissy Jen because she is Kevin's sister. Man, I'm slow.

Glad you had a nice wedding though.

Weddings can be really nice for all involved when done well. I think I grew up with the attitude (through not having a particularly close family) that weddings were something to be endured and, at best, sweet but a bit naff.

I've since been to at least three or four weddings as an adult that have been really wonderful days/evenings.

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

Don't worry, I've had others say recently that they hadn't realised Sissy Jen was the Sissy Jen.

I grew up with very very few weddings to attend and my attitude was similar to yours. I'd like to attend one day a gay/lesbian ceremony and see what those are like (how they differ, etc.) But yeah, they do tend to be nice, happy days, don't they?