Picos Gemeos

It's been now 6 weeks since olamina came to visit Brazil. We had many interesting conversations during those days we spent together, mostly about our families and lives. Two of them have stayed with me.

The first one was about creativity, the energy we place into what we create and how we must be careful of what we bring into the world. I was in the midst of writing a first draft of a novel (for NaNoWriMo) - a horror novel - and it made me stop and think about my story, especially as it had demonic elements. In fact, a strange coincidence happened at the time. Just before Olamina and I went off to São Paulo for a long weekend, I wrote a passage in the novel that referenced a snake. When I got back, I discovered that one of my beloved pets had been killed by one.

At first I was really upset about this - even thinking I had somehow brought this about by "invoking" demonic elements. Took me about a month to get over his death and I've come to realise that part of grieving involves a little guilt. What if I had stayed behind with him? What if I had written something different?

I'm still going ahead with the novel and have started to delve more deeply into the symbolism around snakes. Grief as well: how can I add to my writing what I felt, since death goes hand in hand with horror? I guess I'm trying to make the best of it and learn from the experience, assimilating his loss and ultimately bringing some meaning into my novel - for the reader and myself.

The second chat we had was about the platform Substack. I was telling her about wanting to post more often on LJ, maybe even rebrand my account, and she suggested I try Substack instead. "You have so many stories to tell," she told me.

I already knew of Substack thanks to two writers, Hattie Crisell and George Saunders, who publish newsletters on creative writing. But I'd never stopped to consider creating one for myself. I started researching Substack, signing up to more accounts, and finally created a newsletter for myself.

I've been thinking since then about what I would write, how often I would publish, and if I should monetize. I've researched other writers, read articles in favour and against Substack. I've behaved like a typical Libra, weighing the pros and the cons. Finally, I decided I would launch it at the start of January, giving me this holiday break to tinker with it and get it ready.

Then news broke yesterday about Substack's decision not to remove or demonitize nazi content from its site. Damn... the nazis were one of the main reasons I left Twitter. This has thrown a clog in my plans and made me stop and rethink what I'm doing. Do I really want to send out a newsletter regularly? Do I want to commit to Substack and support a platform that encourages hate groups to proliferate? Do I care to play the monetization game? Should I maybe just log off and read a book?

Should I just post more regularly on Livejournal and leave it at that?